It's about 3am. Three giggly fangirls in a group chat. One of which is reading a Weiss Kreuz fic and babbling about it. It was a good fic until.... Guest featuring Sparkle Ball and Banana Hammock until she gets a real name. ^_~

Spacecrackers: *reading mediocre Crawford/Schuldich fic* I... actually kind of liked this part. Until a certain line.
Banana Hammock: Does it have "Braddllly" In it?
Spacecrackers: The plot of the fic is that there's this other group of Talent out there and they've lost their "Seer" and they need a new one or they'll be terminated. They set their sites on Crawford because he's a high level clairvoyant and they need him, so they're trying to get him at one of Takatori's parties. One of the Talents in their group has the ability to alter molecules so that she can make the champagne at the party into some sort of drug. Crawford's about to take the changed drink but then dumps it all over a guest at the party. They wonder, "ACK! None of our Seers could do anything at the same time they're having a vision and we haven't seen him freeze up at any point tonight!" So they decide on another test. *babbling* They'll aim the drink/drug thing at Schuldich this time, since that could have just been a coincidence and if it happens again, they'll know for sure that he can walk and See at the same time.
Banana Hammock: o_o
Sparkle Ball: o.O
Banana Hammock: Wouldn't Crawford know slightly before hand that people are trying to get him?
Spacecrackers: You'd think.
Spacecrackers: Schudlich takes the drink/drug thing and blacks out.

Almost gently, Crawford lifted the unconscious telepath from the floor. He had considered sending Nagi or Farfarello back to fetch Schuldich but in the end decided against it.

"I'm sorry, Schuldich, I truly am. But it was the only way to prevent an even bigger disaster in the future. I can only hope you will understand and forgive me one day. Please believe me when I say I had my reasons for allowing this to happen."
Banana Hammock: ... I don't think Crawford was ever this soft
Spacecrackers: Crawford? Apologizing and practically begging Schuldich to understand? Crawford?
Banana Hammock: *thinks about WK Outtakes* ... XD "Don't sass me! There's no crying in baseball!!"
Sparkle Ball: o.@ Crawford... so ooc....
Banana Hammock: Is Schuldig really a slut? Every story has him as one.
Spacecrackers: Engh. I don't like fanon Schuldich much. ._.
Banana Hammock: He's uber slutty XDDD
Spacecrackers: This fic has... a lot of potential. The idea of another group aiming for Crawford's talents (since they tend to lock up their Seers in a room somewhere rather than letting them out to be team leaders like Estet does) is interesting. And you can tell a lot of thought was put into creating things. The other team seems like the author really did a lot of thought to create individual personalities for the characters.
Banana Hammock: What's the story called?
Spacecrackers: The problem is that the author doesn't seem to have nailed down Crawford's powers and stuck to her version of them. He can see way ahead into the future to predict the problems that smacking the drink out of Schuldich's hands would create, but he can't see this group in the first place? Can't see, "Oh, hey, there they are. *BANG*shoots them dead*"?
Spacecrackers: It's "Snatched Away" by Misura.
Banana Hammock: lol bang :D
Spacecrackers: The characterizations are off. You can tell the author has a pretty strong grip on who they are, but seems to fall prey to a lot of fanon. If I had to guess, I would probably say they'd either not seen the series very much, seen only parts of it, a few episodes here and there, or they'd watched it once and never saw it again.
Sparkle Ball: Fanon, all, such strange and colorful creatures
Spacecrackers: The other team is well thought-out, but I can't keep any of them straight--it's too many names flying at me at once, not enough little character traits to help me get to know them. The problem is also that I don't care. There's just no... spark there. But that's not really the author's fault, I felt the same way about Schwarz at first.

...later....

Spacecrackers: *babbles more*
Sparkle Ball: Please, babble!
Spacecrackers: From fic, Schuldich is just waking up:

: Nagi? Farfarello? Are you there? :

: Schuldich! YouareawakeatlastthankgodIwassoworriedand- :

: Where else could I be? :

: Can you tell me what happened? And calm down a bit Nagi. :

: You went down -food-poisoning Crawford said- and we got you home. :

: Hesaiditwasthefoodbut- :

: Nagi! I'd almost think you were worried about me. :

: .....?!?!....! I was not. :

: If I'm home, why am I not in my own room? :

: Crawford insisted we put you in his, because it was cleaner. You're in his bed too. He said he would sleep on the couch for the time being. He was very protective of you. :

Schuldich could hear a smirk in Farfarello's mindvoice.

: It's his fault you got in this state, so that was the least he could do. :
Sparkle Ball: ........ he what?

Nagi sounded sullen.

: Speaking of Crawford, where is he? :

: How should I know? I can't even leave my own room. :

: I don't know. He's somewhere in the house, that's all I know. :

: Never mind. Thanks for filling me in. :

: Any time. :

: ..... :

....something about this conversation... bugs me....
Banana Hammock: .... Yeah.
Sparkle Ball: Brad: "Food poisoning? He'll sleep it off. Put him on the floor if you must."
Banana Hammock: Exactly.
Spacecrackers: *giggles*
Banana Hammock: Crawford being protective... ehh.
Spacecrackers: I love Crawford. I think he actually is being protective of Schwarz in his own way. But....
Banana Hammock: And... I don't know but... Nagi being worried kind of doesn't rub well with me.
Sparkle Ball: But he doesn't express it so openly
Banana Hammock: I can see Crawford ordering Schuldig not to leave his room and leave it at that
Spacecrackers: Putting Schuldich in his room? It's not like Schuldich has mold growing on his walls or the half-empty pizza box is gaining sentience. It can't be that bad. So why not put him in his own damn room?
Banana Hammock: *laughs*
Sparkle Ball: If it were radioactive I might see a reason not to put him there.
Spacecrackers: *laughs* And if it were, don't you think Crawford would have seen that coming and ordered Schuldich to clean up his goddamned room? XD
Sparkle Ball: Hmm, I'm thinking, the author is writing their actions too transparent.
Banana Hammock: Nagi: Crawford though you'd rather have his king sized bed, complete with fluffy pillows instead of your slightly messy bed room. And no... he's not trying to sleep with you.
Sparkle Ball: XD Ha!
Spacecrackers: *laughs!*
Banana Hammock: XD
Spacecrackers: That's the problem with fic writers... so many of them seem to be unable to write Crawford and Schuldich together unless Crawford's being a sap.
Sparkle Ball: Or too obvious in their motivations?
Banana Hammock: .... *giggles* Crawford being sappy.
Banana Hammock: I do so love WK humor fics... some of them are so OOC it's hilarious :D
Sparkle Ball: XD
Spacecrackers: ..........*laughing at the mental image*

....later....

Spacecrackers: *sigh* I knew it.
Spacecrackers: I knew this fic was going to make Schuldich a wounded little bird with a tough cookie shell!
Banana Hammock: XDD!
Banana Hammock: Crawywaffy will make it alll better
Spacecrackers: Schuldich goes back to sleep, then he wakes up and Crawford's sleeping in the chair next to the bed. Schuldich looks at him for awhile then gets up to leave.
Spacecrackers: : I wished it didn't have to be like this. I wished it would just be you rescueing me, taking care of me and me knowing you felt for me. But it isn't that simple and there would be no good in pretending. :
Spacecrackers: This fic is fast spiralling into one I can't put on fic journal because I'm no longer sure I can actually say I like it. ;_;
Banana Hammock: Ow... Schuldig's character is out the window....
Sparkle Ball: *snorts, chuckles* Just... aww.. too bad
Banana Hammock: Does Crawford wake up and looks to find Schuldig looking at him and they stare into each other's eyes for awhile?
Sparkle Ball: Schuldich: *to fic Schu* That was undignified please kill it now.
Spacecrackers: No, thank god, it's not that bad. He actually does leave.
Banana Hammock: Crawford: ... I'm sleeping in a chair... while you're sleeping on my bed.
Sparkle Ball: Oooh. Leaves and angsts?
Banana Hammock: Angst!!
Banana Hammock: Does Nagi come and give Schuldig a guy heart to heart talk? Or does Schuldig goes to get drunk and he meets up with Youji and they screw like bunnies?
Spacecrackers: Schuldich angsting because Crawford doesn't love him. Awww. Yes. Shoot it. Shoot it now.
Sparkle Ball: The state of their relationship, once so professional, now so confusing?
Spacecrackers: The next part hasn't been posted yet, but I'm guessing suicide.
Banana Hammock: Schuldig: *singsong* I can't fighhttt this feeling anymoree!!
Sparkle Ball: o.O
Spacecrackers: Schuldich's going to slit his wrists because Bradley doesn't love him.
Banana Hammock: *chokes*
Spacecrackers: But! Don't worry! Crawford will find him in time and then he'll CRY!
Sparkle Ball: Brad: .....
Banana Hammock: *giggling*
Spacecrackers: "Schuldich! ;_; Don't leave me! I love you!"
Banana Hammock: Schuldig: Oh,Bradly! I've always knew you cared.
Banana Hammock: Nagi: *throws rose petals on them*
Banana Hammock: They can do it like Moulin Rouge!
Spacecrackers: "*Schuldich crying now, too* But... how can you love someone like me? I'm annoying and useless and not worthy of you... you're so strong and handsome.... ;_;"
Sparkle Ball: *laughs*
Banana Hammock: You're cracking me up.
Spacecrackers: ";_; I don't care! You're beautiful and smart and I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you in Rosenkreuz that I would love you for the rest of my life! You have to live!"
Banana Hammock: *dies*
Sparkle Ball: *bowls over*
Banana Hammock: Is this where the fangirls start crying?
Spacecrackers: ";_; I love you, too! *KISS*"
Banana Hammock: "Oh my god! They're so in love!"
Spacecrackers: *ahem* That's my prediction anyway. ^_~
Sparkle Ball: Aya: *sighs, steps in* Just die.
Banana Hammock: Nooo.. they go off and have mad bunny sex.
Spacecrackers: Then.... "*Farfie wonders in* Gay sex hurts God. *nods* Carry on. *leaves*"
Sparkle Ball: *laughs!*
Banana Hammock: Nagi mourns because he'll never get laid.
Sparkle Ball: XD XD XD
Sparkle Ball: Farfie! *still laughing*
Spacecrackers: No, no, Nagi brings over his cute little boyfriend, Bombay and they have sex in Schwarz's house, Omi conviently forgetting to catalogue any useful information for Kritiker while he screams for Nagi to fuck him harder.
Sparkle Ball: o.o
Banana Hammock: "Oh Nagilove!" "Oh ANGEL!"
Sparkle Ball: Oh my God.
Banana Hammock: ... I really dislike Omi being called Angel ^^;

Bitchcakes: Ugh. http://www.geocities.com/ChristianFanfiction/
Spacecrackers: ......um.
Bitchcakes: Yeah.
Bitchcakes: Hey, let's start a fanfiction directory promoting agnosticism.
Spacecrackers: What kind of graphics would we use for that?
Spacecrackers: A little cross and devil side by side, each with big red question marks over them?
Bitchcakes: Yeah, I like it.
Spacecrackers: I love the Challenges page of that site so far.
Bitchcakes: *snickering at the beliefs of others*
Spacecrackers: Write about the emotions and thoughts of a character from your favorite medium as they make their way through the Sinner's Prayer. What sins come to mind when they are asking for forgiveness? How does it make them feel to know that they are washed as white as snow?

Well, what if they come out looking like the yellow snow? Does that mean they have to do it again?
Bitchcakes: Guess they weren't doing it right.
Spacecrackers:
Title: Journal ++ Author: MrLee2U
Domain: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ++ Rating: G
Christian Concept: Salvation, Prayer, Forgiveness ++ Summary: An Elite Guard becomes a Christian. (Complete)
Spacecrackers: I'm just skipping to the end, and it looks... well, pretty much like I expected.

The Turtles and I walked out of the base unmolested. Everyone was quiet for a while, until Mikey spoke, "What happened?"

"The simple explanation is there is a God and He loves everyone."

"Could you talk about it to us at the lair?"

"Sure, Donatello. No problem." I smiled. I felt that my and the turtles lives were entwined now and we would have many adventures together.

Bitchcakes: Eww.
Bitchcakes: Mary Sue evangelism.
Bitchcakes: I was just scanning an X-Files fic, trying to see if they'd convert Scully, but it was too long so I gave up.
Spacecrackers: I almost went into the Touched by an Angel section, but even I couldn't laugh at the redundancy of that, I don't think.

One random dark and stormy night....

Bitchcakes: Saw this link on SlashGrievances. *shudder* Beware. http://www.snitchfiction.net/cgi-bin/stories/story.cgi?id=1155
Bitchcakes: No, stop, don't!
Bitchcakes: I take it back, I don't want you to suffer it!
Spacecrackers: .......*shifts weight from foot to foot*
Spacecrackers: Crap. Crap, crap, crappity crap.
Spacecrackers: *click*
Bitchcakes: Nooooo!!!!
Spacecrackers: Minerva gaped in shock, her hands automatically covering her assets, such as they were, Awww, there was no call for that!
Spacecrackers: Insulting her chest or having her naked, take your pick.
Spacecrackers: Okay, fic, you just crossed the line.
Spacecrackers: I did NOT need that mental image.
Bitchcakes: Just stop there. It gets worse.
Spacecrackers: Albus almost had a heart attack when Minerva lapped the pre-cum from his piss slit. ........how romantic.
Bitchcakes: *snerkle*chortle*
Spacecrackers: Jesus, where's a "life giving snake" when you really need it?
Spacecrackers: Flesh lolly!!!!! *dies laughing*
Spacecrackers: I WANT THAT!
Spacecrackers: I want Flesh Lolly (or Flesh Lollipop) for a Screen Name!!!
Bitchcakes: Go forth and claim it!
Spacecrackers: Minerva's twat was incredibly hot, and the moist heat was like freshly made bread pudding as it enveloped his cock. I'm not even going to ask how he knows that.

(Note: The reference is to Bitchcakes having once said that she's tired of reading about naughty bits in fics, because there are so many of them out there. She'd done her time in the mines. I have an odd memory for things like that.)

Bitchcakes: Hey, woohoo, I topped a thousand words. A few more days work and I'll actually be able to post this puppy.
Spacecrackers: Congratulations! Over a thousand words is no small feat.
Bitchcakes: I did the angsty stuff leading up to the sexy stuff, so I need to finish the sexy stuff, do the romantic stuff that comes after the sexy stuff, then go back and tack onto the beginning the fluffy stuff that leads up to the angsty stuff.
Spacecrackers: And the sexy stuff is being a pain in the ass?
Bitchcakes: Yes, but not as much as I'd expected.
Bitchcakes: I've just decided to make peace with my own PG-13-ness.
Spacecrackers: Probably for the best. I do remember you saying you'd done your time in the genital mines.
Spacecrackers: .......well. There's an interesting mental snapshot.
Bitchcakes: Indeed.
Spacecrackers: I love our conversations. I don't know who else I could have a conversation with and the phrase 'genital mines' would occur naturally in the conversation.
Bitchcakes: Hee.
Bitchcakes: Now instead of mines like coal mines I'm thinking mines like land mines. There's an image.
Spacecrackers: *snort* Oh. That's... even 'better'.
Spacecrackers: Wow, and it's not going away, either.
Spacecrackers: Just replays and replays.
Spacecrackers: Okay, there we go.
Bitchcakes: Guess I won't do my "thousands of people in war torn nether-regions are killed or injured by genital mines each year" schtick then.

Oh, sorry, just did.
Bitchcakes: Send in the UN minesweepers!
Bitchcakes: Their blue helmets moving through the densely packed...

Okay, done now.
Spacecrackers: I'm attempting very hard not to picture a new Windows game: Genital Minesweeper.
Bitchcakes: *laugh*snort*
Spacecrackers: Damn. Now I want to play that game.
Spacecrackers: Oh, Christ, this is going to kill hours of time. -_-
Bitchcakes: Heh.
Spacecrackers: And I just bombed out. Which I'm sure we all know what it would look like it Genital Minesweeper. Thanks for that image, btw.
Bitchcakes: That's what I'm here for.

Quick addendum:

Spacecrackers: You know, every time I think of that conversation, I wonder what would happen if people got stuck in them like those Pennslyvania coal miners.
Spacecrackers: Would they go on TV afterwards and talk about their ordeal?
Spacecrackers: Would ABC air a movie about it?
Uppity Dick: "Terror in the Nether-lands: the Pennsylvania Genital Miners' True Story."

The author's note of Between the Panels by "Rogue"

What if the X-Men were real people, chosen by the U.N., and spliced genetically? What if when the X-Men died in the comics, the real person perished, and was replaced by a new person, given the same powers and memories? Is it possible that this would explain why they never seem to age, but change physically and emotionally every so often? Do they retire a person after so long? Where does the UN find their replacements? This story is based on that ideal, as we see it through the eyes of the woman that will be Rogue as her story is our fantasy.

Dear story,

Your tedious hypothetical questions weary us so. They never age because they are characters and frequently iconic ones at that, which means they have to be eternally accessible to new fans. They look different because different people are drawning them. So, dear story, shut up.

Sincerely,
Bitchcakes and Spacecrackers

Ahhh, I love Fanfiction.net. Where else could I run into people like the following? So I'm browsing the FAKE section, looking to see if there are any new stories worth reading and I've seen Wildfyre's stories before (and am familiar with her work in the Yoroiden Samurai Troopers/Ronin Warriors fandom) and... well, I'll be polite and end that sentance there. ^_~ Anyway, so I decided to check the reviews of her latest story, to see who was reviewing, if it was as mind-numbingly mediocre as her other stories (it indeed appears to be so), and I saw a note from the author as the first review:

Story: Randy's Addiction Chapter 2 added by Wildefyre
~TEASER~ Dee finds himself trapped shot and unable to find Ryo. Getting out and getting help may prove harder then he had originally thought. ~TEASER~
R - English - General/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5595 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 11-4-02 - Published: 11-3-02

Review: This is to "SOMEONE" who left that wonderfully depressing review in "Two Men a Boy and a What?" I'm putting this here just in case you decide to pick on this fic as well...

I really don't need to post anything and if my stories are THAT horrible then maybe I should just pull them and be done with it.

If you know the characters that well then please enlighten us all as to their true personalities since you acted like such an authority.

Another thing... If you're going to criticize and/or flame please leave a valid email addy so I can defend myself properly!

Maybe I should scrap this fic since it probably isn't right either... I give up!

Naturally, I had to go check the reviews for "Two Men a Boy and a What?" And, again, I quote:

someone. 2002-11-03 1 Anonymous
I don't think you really understand the characters of Fake. They all sounded like the same person to me. They always apologized and "I understand that you -- but that does not mean --" like a shrink or condescending mother. However, you did let each character take a shine to a perpection, but, how like they all sounded the same, they were equally obnoxious - even the kid, amazingly. The plot was choppy, a lot of 'why the hell didn't they do THIS instead'. I really coulnd't sympathize with any character. I actually was relieved you killed off persons because it's one less person to act self-indulgently.

Anyway, the drama was fine. And I am glad of the ending, how she (kid, Meg?) wasn't really Dee's daughter. It's conclusive and saddening. What ignorance isn't exactly bliss (but it can be at the end)?. Bikky's character (sorta) development was alright, in theory.

I don't really mean to insult. Actually, if it were myself, I'd prefere a beration than 35 reviews of "good job" and that's it. How can you improve with that? Well, I suppose theirs are as honest as mine.

Okay, yes, it would be hard to take a review like that, god knows I wouldn't want it leveled at me, but... they were offering an honest opinion and it drives me crazy that people seem to think they're being "picked on" because someone doesn't automatically gush over their work. I want to smack Wildfyre for this attitude--and, you know, that's why people don't leave their e-mail addresses, because, hell, I've talked to her about her YST/RW characterization. I have no desire to ever do that again. Blah, blah, willfully-blind-and-stupid-author-cakes.

So... evil? Stupid? Both?

(*sigh* I weep for the state of the FAKE fandom. -_- I've seen maybe four stories that were actually good.)

(Yes, I do feel a little better now. ;) )

(Several quotes from True Porn Clerk Stories.)

Spacecrackers: I think guys rent porn as a way to have the pleasure of sex without the added complexity of having to tend to someone else's needs. Which doesn't mean that he's a bad guy or won't do plenty of tending later, it's just that right now he just wants to wolf down a burger. You know, that's a really excellent way to put it. For awhile now, I just haven't been bothered by the fact that the vast majority of guys watch porn, because... guys are horndogs and it doesn't really mean anything to them. I know that, and I'm okay with that.
Spacecrackers: It's the same reason women read romance novels or watch soap operas (and not make fun of them), because they want that emotional connection, something that tugs at their heart strings, without all the complications that come along with it.
Spacecrackers: Though, I do admit that I don't want it pushed into my face. I don't need to know about that, thanks, just like he doesn't need to hear about my crazy fannish things. (And, okay, yes, they are a little different, but the concept is close enough.)
Bitchcakes: I was talking to my friend Amanda on the phone tonight, and we actually brought up, "yeah, you've got to know me pretty well before I'm going to tell you I own gay porn."
Spacecrackers: I feel so very uncool. I've never actually seen any gay porn.
Bitchcakes: I've never seen the tape, just the box in her house.
Bitchcakes: We weren't quite drunk enough to actually play it.
Bitchcakes: It's called "Free Range Gays" or something. It was on sale, and she just thought she ought to have some gay porn.
Bitchcakes: I think it's just fun to say "gay porn."
Bitchcakes: Porn porn porn. This has been like the Week O' Porn for me.
Spacecrackers: I kind of wish I owned some gay porn. Just to own some.
Spacecrackers: I own gay movies, but no actual porn. Darn it.
Bitchcakes: Well if you ever get out to the east coast, we'll go to Amanda's house and watch some gay porn.
Spacecrackers: About dating customers, and chatting up the guys who're renting porn: Essentially, they they're being their very suavest with me and then ending by saying "See you later - off to masturbate!" It's just too much to know. I think I literally just 'sniggered'.
Bitchcakes: Heh.
Bitchcakes: He could feel the pain, her pain. He could almost hear every cry that had pierced the night from her delicate lips. The desperate tears, the small, shimmering drops of salty water that had fallen down her cheeks like angels from a stormy sky. Why? Why did anyone have to feel pain like that?

Why? Why does anyone have to write crap like that?
Spacecrackers: Why? Why did I have to feel the pain of that fic?
Bitchcakes: Don't you think that angels falling from a stormy sky would be more like *THUD* or *KERSPLAT*?
Spacecrackers: I'm going with *KERSPLAT*. Because that's a neat sound.
Bitchcakes: And maybe a *CRUNCH*.
Spacecrackers: *CRUNCH* is good. Though, there's also something to be said for the traditional *CRACK*.
Bitchcakes: Maybe a wet *CRUNCH*.
Spacecrackers: Okay, you don't need to know the characters. Just that Hiro was apparently in love with Shuuichi (they're best friends, and it IS possible that Hiro has feelings for Shuuichi, but Shuuichi definitely loves Yuki), and I guess some stuff happened or whatnot. I did not alter this.

Hiro ran up behind yuki placing a hand on his shoulder. "dont do this to him Eiri-san. he needs you." He was met with an icy glare. "well appertently he needs you more." "Thats not true. Since you came around, he hasnt needed me. Go back." "why should i?" Because you are a moron if you dont. Hes someone you dont turn down. He'll give you everything. Take it." "and what about you?" "i plan to back off." "One more interferance from you and thats it." "Fine. Ill disapear. But you damn well better look after him." "i dont believe thats any of your concern." "yah"
Bitchcakes: ..............
Bitchcakes: "yah"
Spacecrackers: It's just... this author didn't even capitalize I!
Spacecrackers: I!
Bitchcakes: Author's Note: This is only the prologue of the whole story. Through out this story, the theme of the story will be 'How Did I Fall In Love With You'. This is where everything starts....

Okay, you really shouldn't have to tell me the theme ahead of time.
Bitchcakes: But it's so much work to hit that Shift key!

Bitchcakes: Have you ever wondered... If life really is a dream, then couldn't we make it any way we choose? What if one dreamer decided that the dream, was better than reality... could he not make that dream his reality? And if he did, how many lives could he change, if he awoke, but somehow, someway, managed to return to the dream he chose to make real?

Whaaaaaaa?
Spacecrackers: .....well, let's just start with that first sentance.
Spacecrackers: Life is not a dream. That's why it's called life and not a dream.
Bitchcakes: *laughing*
Spacecrackers: Therefore, the rest of that is just completely invalid.
Spacecrackers: But... I, too, have a dream I perfer to reality.
Spacecrackers: I have a dream that people would no longer write stupid fanfiction like that. Could I... change lives and make my dream real?
Bitchcakes: But what if you awoke, and somehow, some way, managed to return to the dream and...

Wait, what the fuck are we talking about again?
Bitchcakes: Oh, right, if life were a dream.
Bitchcakes: But, if life were a dream than how could a dream be better than reality, because reality would be a dream, and there wouldn't be any difference, and...
Bitchcakes: Enh, fuck it.
Spacecrackers: I would say that they're getting at the idea of a dream within a dream, but... that doesn't make sense.
Spacecrackers: Because you're still just dreaming and neither of them are real.
Spacecrackers: And "Somehow, someway managed to return to the dream [....]"?
Spacecrackers: Yeah. Because that whole taking a nap thing is really difficult.
Spacecrackers: It's not like you can just lie down, close your eyes, and let it happen all on its own.
Bitchcakes: That paragraph makes less sense than 'Vanilla Sky.'
Bitchcakes: Ok, i've read the first chapter of the story, and god help me, I think I understand what she's getting at now.
Bitchcakes: So guy spends three years living his life and then goes off to die (what we like to call "canon"), and just as he's dying he decides he sorta liked his life after all, darn it. but instead of dying he wakes up and he's in bed with his girlfriend and it's three years ago, the Very Day Everything Went To Hell In A Handbasket. and It Was All A Dream. he's all bummed out that none of it was real and so he decides to get outta town, leaving his One True Love, but sparing her the pain of Hell In A Handbasket, and find the people from his dream (aka 'canon').
Bitchcakes: And apparently a crucial part of this is not beginning a new paragraph every time someone new speaks.
Spacecrackers: I think... I follow. A weird idea for a fic, but... okay.
Bitchcakes: And now he's thinking, 'What the fuck's wrong with me? I whined and complained and had a death wish the whole time I was in that 'dream' and now I want to go back to it when I could be with my One True Love and make sure our affair was never found out by her boyfriend/my best friend just cuz this author is a whackjob?'
Spacecrackers: Um... if it was a dream... why would he think it would happen in his real life?
Bitchcakes: See above statement re: author and whackjob.
Spacecrackers: Got it. ^_^v
Bitchcakes: For some reason he's going on the assumption that all the people from the dream are real, he just hasn't met them yet.
Spacecrackers: .....well, okay then.

Bitchcakes: I just have to say, if I read this sentence one more time I'm going to take drastic action. I don't know what it will be, but dammit, someone has to stand up and put a stop to these things:

"I need to feel you inside of me. Please . . ."

Spacecrackers: ..........you don't know how many times I've read that.
Spacecrackers: It's especially aggrivating in slash/yaoi fic.
Bitchcakes: I say we start a campaign to declare a moratorium.
Spacecrackers: I say we start stabbing anyone who writes that line from now on.
Bitchcakes: That's good. I like that better. Stabbing.
Spacecrackers: Complete with insane, "THERE! DO YOU FEEL ME INSIDE OF YOU NOW!?" shrieking.
Bitchcakes: "Your honor, my clients just snapped. I'd like to enter into evidence Exhibit A, 100,000 pages of poorly constructed fanfiction sex scenes."
Spacecrackers: I think we'd get away with it.
Spacecrackers: Especially after they read those fanfic sex scenes.
Bitchcakes: It's really starting to drive me nuts. A lot of times the pre-coital fingerfucking is about as sexy as a pelvic exam. And then we get stuff like,"She felt so whole with him in her like that." Yes, that's all she needed to complete her. A penis.
Bitchcakes: I suppose we can blame it all on romance novels.
Spacecrackers: Well, really. Don't we all just need a penis to complete us?
Bitchcakes: Guess so. It seems to be the prevailing notion.
Spacecrackers: We just feel so empty unless we have a penis inside us.
Bitchcakes: Yeah, it's like the Grand freakin' Canyon down there!

--


Bitchcakes: His hips hammered against hers as he plunged into her again and again... blah blah blah simultaneous orgasm, roll eyes, yawn.
Bitchcakes: No one ever mentions the "stirring macaroni" noise, which was how one friend of mine described it. Or the "What's that sound? Oh, it's his balls slapping against my ass."
Bitchcakes: Or my favorite from said friend, "smackin' the flan."
Spacecrackers: Well. Thank you.
Spacecrackers: I'm so glad I chose that moment to come back with my dinner.
Bitchcakes: LOL! *sheepish* I'm sorry.
Bitchcakes: It's not flan, is it?
Spacecrackers: I just thank god it wasn't macaroni.
Bitchcakes: Yeah, it'll make you think twice next time you mix up a batch of Kraft's.
Spacecrackers: Personally, I don't mind the not mentioning of those noises. I like to pretend like they don't exist.
Bitchcakes: Yeah, it's probably better left out.
Spacecrackers: And every sex scene has romantic music playing in the background when *I* read it, because that helps cover the non-desirable noises.
Bitchcakes: That's probably why they put that music in the background of porn.
Spacecrackers: .....not that it does so well at covering up the noises. I guess maybe that's part of the charm for the audience who watches porn.

Spacecrackers: I shouldn't find this funny... but I do....

Unknown Story by Nicole Wagner
Vargas hires Sabertooth to rape and torture Gambit's sister, to hurt Gambit emotionally, just to get back at Rogue. FIXED version!
R - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3751 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 10-4-02 - Published: 10-4-02

Bitchcakes: *snort*
Bitchcakes: That's sure taking the long way around.
Bitchcakes: Oh, vomit. Will the well of these monstrosities never run dry?

8. If Tomorrow Never Comes by Mrs O-Town
While listening to a song, Vaughn and Sydney come face-to-face with their feelings...[S/V]

Spacecrackers: Next thing you know, Vargas is going to be tripping Remy's second cousin on her way to school and making her scrape her knee... just to get back at Rogue.
Spacecrackers: Oh, puke.
Spacecrackers:
Closing Timeby Jo Shmoe
Remy must decide wheather or not to make a move. based on the song by Semisonic. Thanks to Roguechere for pointing out something to me!
PG - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1008 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 10-4-02 - Published: 10-4-02

YAY! SONGFIC! I can't get enough of those for the X-Men, either!
Bitchcakes: Woohoo! And especially songs that are years beyond their popularity!
Bitchcakes: It's wrong that I'm thinking of coming up with FFNET login name just to write negative, yet honest reviews, isn't it?
Bitchcakes: Like, when an author asks, "Too mushy?" I want to say, "Yes. Too mushy."

Spacecrackers: *laughs* You should!
Spacecrackers: That would be so much fun!
Bitchcakes: They're having this open mic thing on the quad tonight. I should have gone down there and read bad fanfiction poetry.
Bitchcakes: "A Selection of Poems Entitled 'Love' On Fanfiction.net"
Spacecrackers: That would be beautiful... dramatic readings of bad fanfiction poetry. XD
Bitchcakes: Last year my friends and I wanted to start a Bad Art festival, but on one on the faculty would go for it.
Bitchcakes: 6. My Friend by Jadedbest
The problem with most A/U B/V high school fics is that they're too silly. So I guess I'll make mine angst. *Chapter 16 is up*.

I would guess that main problem with most A/U B/V high school fics is that they're set in high schools.
Spacecrackers:*giggles* B/V?
Spacecrackers: Oh, and speaking of Alias, is now the time to taunt you about the last Will holdout caving? ;-)
Bitchcakes: Oh, sure, taunt me. Why not?
Spacecrackers: You felt sympathy for Wiiiiii~ll. You felt sympathy for Wiiiiii~ll. HA! Will-sympathizer!
Bitchcakes: (That was Bulma/Vegeta, btw)
Bitchcakes: *hangs head* I know.
Bitchcakes: I tried to resist! I just... wasn't strong enough.
Bitchcakes: Mr. Sark is still my boyfriend, though.
Spacecrackers: (AUGH! B/V high school fics. I think the real problem with those stories is that the authors are retarded. If we could just solve that problem....)
Spacecrackers:That's okay, Victor Garber is going to be my new boyfriend. ;-)
Bitchcakes: I hope you're very happy together.
Spacecrackers:And I hope you are equally happy with Mr. Sark.
Bitchcakes: Thank you.

Little things amuse me.

Spacecrackers: *sigh* Dammit, only one Evo author I've ever liked.
Spacecrackers: I genuinely like the world they've set up (for the most part), but it only seems to attract the authors who are writing purely about who should be with who. If I see one more annoying nickname....
Spacecrackers: Even the movieverse got a few talented authors, why not Evo, dammit?
Bitchcakes: Skewing young is all I can think of.
Spacecrackers: Like this one:

When I lost youby Ludra-jenova
Fanfiction yaoi........LANCETRO Y EVETRO.........summary inside
R - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4221 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 10-3-02 - Published: 9-16-02

Bitchcakes: Bleh.
Bitchcakes: Pairings pairings pairings. Little hormone crazed freaks.
Spacecrackers: That's really what the entire fandom is based on. Little hormone crazed freaks.

If I ever did an Evo-based website, that's what I'd call it. Little Hormone Crazed Freaks.